Friday, May 21, 2010

the list

  1. 20 roots all different girls and must include atleast 1 black, asian and white girl.
  2. join the mile high club
  3. go sky-diving
  4. go bungee jumping
  5. consume a carton of beer in one day
  6. get head whilst driving at a minimum speed of 60 km/h
  7. go to bangkok and whilst there hit a asain in the balls and yell "BANGKOK!"
  8. spend the night at the zoo with out being caught
  9. drink bailey's from a shoe
  10. one week without showering
  11. climb a mountain minimum 4000 m
  12. ride a bike nude for 1 km
  13. destroy a computer
  14. make a toast at a strangers wedding
  15. start a mexican wave
  16. ride a bull
  17. set up a lemonade stand
  18. race v8 super car
  19. ask a stranger out to dinner
  20. swim with sharks
  21. run a marathon
  22. ask out the girl of your dreams
  23. do a back flip unassisted

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

porn

Porn is possibly one of the greatest inventions of all time. Think about it educational, brings couples together, helps mind and body and it is entertaining.

Yes ladies it is educational how do you think men learn all the different positions because it sure as shit doesnt come instinctivly. We learn from porn watching lots and lots of porn. How do you think we learn about the birds that fucked the bee's...from porn. Infact porn as become so intergrated into the educational system that that they are turning to use porn to teach subjects such sciences as biol and human biol. Teachers now assume that boys by the age of 12 know what a penis and vagina is. porn evan teach's math if the phallic shaped object is 5 cm wide and the virgins vagina is so wide but strechs another ..cm will the phallic object fit or if there are 4 penis's in the room and one chick and she is doing a spastic eagle how many more guys can join in?

Bringing couples together is a very large aspect of porn. personally i can say ever since i discovered this wonderful invention quite some time ago me and my right hand have never been closer. For the normal people though porn allows us to be more greatful for what you have as a couple because seriously after having one look at some of those whores not the young ones but like the older ones that have way to much make up on and everything is all saggy and shit espically down and i know i use this term to much but seriously like throwing a needle down like the fucking colosium...not pretty.

As porn becomes more and more common as you would expect so would masterbation one thing that hasnt been taken into account if the tone of mens arms. Now it isnt easy to tug away at the bad boy for a good 20 minutes flat out so you would expect some extra bulk in one arm. Now this is a real thing it is called bi lateral transfer and basically means that if one of your arms gets bigger so will the other not as big but it still wont be left behind completly. for those who arnt apidextress masterbation offers a great oppurtunity to fine tune motor skills in your off hand this may sound silly but seriously fellas give it a shot that shit is fucking hard. As far as mind goes dont you feel that much calmer after a good tug.

To end i would like to point out all the great things the porn industry has done for us. Girls shooting footballs out of there vagina, lady gaga, man shoving entire head into girls vagina, girl being fucked by horse and of course two girls one cup . Now i ask you to try and picture a would with out porn what would u do on a boring sunday afternoon when you have nothing to do study? i dont think so. So serioulsy next time your watching some porn and think to yourelf hey thanks for been such a dirty whore.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

the ball

as i sit in my chair hung over to fuck a couple of regrets and questions spring to mind. First and for most what the fuck happened last night like seriously some one please fill me in on that one. second when it comes to drinking out of a funnel straight jack daniels or for that fact any kind of bouban probebly isn't the best choice in beverage. when using a funnel try using something nice and tasty like lemonade or something. third what the fuck happened last night. fourth what happened to my entire bottle of jack daniels because i didnt drink alll of it...surely. fifth apparently girls do not find it funny when u ask them where so and so is then they ask why and u reply because apparently she has huge tits and i wanna have a look. The last is that suits are awesome seriously how fucking good did I and i suppose we look last night. Personally i think thats what makes the ball special. Its every putting in the effort to look awesome because in all fairness the actual event was shit like for a good hour i just wanted to hang myself because i was that bored (The fact my date and i didnt talk the whole night didnt help) its not the pres and because i cannot remeber the afters it obviously wasnt memorable either. The one thing that i will always remeber though is looking in the mirror once i was ready and thinking "if i was a chick i would totally tap that". In conclusion to the Aquinas ball what i've achieved i have lost my limoginerty (seriously a tram what the fuck were they thinking), i have got the second worst hang over in my life, i have sucked roughly 12 baloons worth of helium and most importantly balls are right up there with the most over rated events ever right up there with new years eve and easter because you always wake up the next morning why the fuck did i do that