plot summary

date 30/10/2010 time 10:31

hey i really like you
really i like you too
really
yeh
you wanna go out
yeh sure
oops i cheated on you at leavers
really your a cunt we're not going out anymore

....what was the point

oad to the ghost of partys future

Hangovers the bane of anyones morning, the monster that lurks in the shadows constantly ready ever vigilant for that moment that you have one drink to much then BAM good bye breakfast. In this enlightened state of self loathing the question that eventually arises is why? why the hell do i put myself through this everytime. The answer is because its fun. When your drunk everyones your friend and you feel that you are the master of all things and for no other reason then because the rules dont apply to you any more then discovering "because" apparently isn't a good enough reason for mother nature when she kicks your ass all the way back to last tuesday. The worst thing about hang overs is there is no silver bullet no magic wand fix all you can do is wait it out and hope that the brass band banging away in your head gets tired soon. By no means is this kind of consistant stupidity a bad thing infact it is this same attitude that has aided humanity in its evolution for the apes. Why did columbas set of on a journey on a crappy wooden ship to find something that no one new was there Why did Louis Sebastien Lenormand decided to jump off a really tall building with a piece of cloth attached to his back. When asking any of either of these people why you would recieve one of three answers "I dont know", "because i can" or "why not"and it is because of this that we are where we are today Australia was only descovered because a dude hopped on a ship with some mates and said I wonder whats over there and this is why i figure i am completly justified in getting completly hammered simply because i might do something really dumb that could turn into a fantastic one of the most important events of our lifetime

boobs

there is just something magical about boobs big boobs little boobs black boobs yellow boobs white boobs their all just so fantastic evan boob is just fun to say.( seriously right now just say boob to yourself) why do we love boobs so much that is the question that man has asked himself above all else. to be honest i do not know why we love those voluptuous smooth perfectly rounded seeming impractical milk mellons that we find on girls chests'. From what i can understand it might have something to do with the fact that they are on girls. This fact is re-enforced by a issue that is spreading rapdily through out third world countrys and evan some western of course i am talking about moobs. This extreme turn off caused by third world countrys through poor living conditions is begining to spread i am even begining to see it in our well adjusted, healthy society where there was no cases of this kind of infection. Fanny a close friend of mine who i wont name came seemed to be born with this infection. This infection which can only be treated through grueling exercise. Recent survays say that only a small 5% of those infected have the capacity to recieve treatment as the other 95% couldn't find half an hour a day to go for a walk due to entertaining shows like master chef been on. A recent victim has attemted to file a law suit againt reality t.v show biggest looser because after watching the show for 3 years he hadn't lost a single kilogram. the law suit was almost successful except the victim was unable to make his court date due to a small flight of stairs infront of the court room. The winston university released a study that those infected with the moobs were 138% less likely to get with bitches. The head professer made the statement that though logically 100% was the maximum extent girls just seemed to be that turned off that we felt compelled to add the extra 38%. The final case i'd like to put forward was a recent suicide case. The man was suffering depression after a long lasting relationship recently ended due to his moobs. In the mans letter that was found in his hotel room he stated that he had loved his feet he had known them for aslong as he could remember in the months leading up to his diagnoses he had begun to see them less and less until one day they just vanished. The man could feel that they were around sometimes mainly when he got of the couch to get another beer or some more chips other then those brief moments he felt alone. Experts conclude from the letter that it was not infact his feet that drove him to the edge that was infact his car but still believe they had a large amount to do with it.

The extremly random nature of the events just described to you can be completly contributed to the presence of boobs on men so i pose to you this question how could something so great cause so much pain. I would like to take the next few lines to share with you my top ten names for those things we just love so much.

10. Ta Ta's
9. Gazonga's
8. Milk Mellons
7. Chick Cushions
6. The Twins
5. A Rack
4. Bazooka's
3. A Lady's Lovelys
2. Tits
1. BOOBS

Tenacious D - Kielbasa

enough said

yummy mummys

todays humour is not as simple as it was in middle school. Its no longer someone says a sentance with the the word penis or vagina. Today there appears to be a system of things you can and cant do and this system is seeming to surpass the simple if its funny laugh if its no still laugh but instead direct your laughter at the dick head who tried to be funny. In now days it seems to be a series of twisted mental acrobatics to try and draw some form of twisted meaning from what ever the dude sitting next to you just said and apply it to his mum being a slut. A favourite of mine is the famous
me: man you didn't see that coming

the jackass sitting next to me: your mum didnt see me cuming...last night

In this new system there seems to revolve around the introduction of two new people into the equation. The first kind is the scape goat on the joke and no matter what is said about them it always seems to be funny no matter how little sense the joke makes. Its amazing how every joke that people make about this guy it just always seems to be so god dam funny. No one would want to be in this position so what is done to ensure this person stays in this role there is a complete block made on all things said by the person which usually is just the person being told no.

The second person the king of the jokes is usually the one with the most to loose. I know personally in my group the man making all the your mums so hot i want to fuck her jokes is actaully the man with the hottest mum...and auntie. By him utilising these jokes he is able to block others from calling him on his own mum. In a way i can sympathise with him being forced to live in the shadow of a such a hot mum for no child young or old big or small can compete with a mum like. No matter what is done people always come away thinking "fuck something must of gorn wrong for someone like that to have a kid that looks like that...maby he was adopted.

In the end of all this I believe it is all those yummy mummy's faults out there causing children like young fancote such insecurity causing him to resort to lame as fuck your mum jokes which wern't even funny when everyone else was using them. The only way i can see of fixing this is just to let time slowly take its toll. Over time all those hot mums out there will slowly age into regular mums to saggy mums to grandmums then to dead mums. Unfortunatily this has been know to take a while so to avoid looking more like a dick next time you feel the need to make fun of you mates mum maybe tell a knock knock joke or an asian joke instead so atleast we can all have a laugh


p.s adam stop giving us fucking soccer updates no one cares how the republic of china went against the taliban espically in soccer and if we did cared we would just watch the game ourselves or record it your not the only one with a t.v

the list

1. 20 roots all different girls and must include atleast 1 black, asian and white girl.
2. join the mile high club
3. go sky-diving
4. go bungee jumping
5. consume a carton of beer in one day
6. get head whilst driving at a minimum speed of 60 km/h
7. go to bangkok and whilst there hit a asain in the balls and yell "BANGKOK!"
8. spend the night at the zoo with out being caught
9. drink bailey's from a shoe
10. one week without showering
11. climb a mountain minimum 4000 m
12. ride a bike nude for 1 km
13. destroy a computer
14. make a toast at a strangers wedding
15. start a mexican wave
16. ride a bull
17. set up a lemonade stand
18. race v8 super car
19. ask a stranger out to dinner
20. swim with sharks
21. run a marathon
22. ask out the girl of your dreams
23. do a back flip unassisted
    
    

porn

Porn is possibly one of the greatest inventions of all time. Think about it educational, brings couples together, helps mind and body and it is entertaining.

Yes ladies it is educational how do you think men learn all the different positions because it sure as shit doesnt come instinctivly. We learn from porn watching lots and lots of porn. How do you think we learn about the birds that fucked the bee's...from porn. Infact porn as become so intergrated into the educational system that that they are turning to use porn to teach subjects such sciences as biol and human biol. Teachers now assume that boys by the age of 12 know what a penis and vagina is. porn evan teach's math if the phallic shaped object is 5 cm wide and the virgins vagina is so wide but strechs another ..cm will the phallic object fit or if there are 4 penis's in the room and one chick and she is doing a spastic eagle how many more guys can join in?

Bringing couples together is a very large aspect of porn. personally i can say ever since i discovered this wonderful invention quite some time ago me and my right hand have never been closer. For the normal people though porn allows us to be more greatful for what you have as a couple because seriously after having one look at some of those whores not the young ones but like the older ones that have way to much make up on and everything is all saggy and shit espically down and i know i use this term to much but seriously like throwing a needle down like the fucking colosium...not pretty.

As porn becomes more and more common as you would expect so would masterbation one thing that hasnt been taken into account if the tone of mens arms. Now it isnt easy to tug away at the bad boy for a good 20 minutes flat out so you would expect some extra bulk in one arm. Now this is a real thing it is called bi lateral transfer and basically means that if one of your arms gets bigger so will the other not as big but it still wont be left behind completly. for those who arnt apidextress masterbation offers a great oppurtunity to fine tune motor skills in your off hand this may sound silly but seriously fellas give it a shot that shit is fucking hard. As far as mind goes dont you feel that much calmer after a good tug.

To end i would like to point out all the great things the porn industry has done for us. Girls shooting footballs out of there vagina, lady gaga, man shoving entire head into girls vagina, girl being fucked by horse and of course two girls one cup . Now i ask you to try and picture a would with out porn what would u do on a boring sunday afternoon when you have nothing to do study? i dont think so. So serioulsy next time your watching some porn and think to yourelf hey thanks for been such a dirty whore.